Being “Queer”

Published May 24, 2012 by auddity

I always have so much to say until I’m faced with actually putting it into words.

I identify as queer. For those of you who don’t know what that means, well, it’s actually very complicated. “Queer” can act  as kind of a catch-all term for people who don’t feel like they fit into the categories of sexual orientation that are acceptable in today’s society, namely gay, straight, or bisexual. It’s an all-inclusive term, basically. For me personally, queer was what I chose to identify as when I started having feelings for trans men after having previously only been attracted to women and identifying as gay. (Although before that I exclusively identified as straight, so it’s all a bit of a toss-up really.)

However, along with the queer identity comes certain assumptions, both within and outside of the queer community. Politically, the queer agenda is very radical: anti-capitalism, anti-assimilation, anti-a lot of things. They want change and they’re ready to fight for it. Socially, the queer community focuses heavily on hook-up culture. And in a community where anybody could potentially hook up with anybody, it all gets very confusing and toes get stepped on and feelings get hurt. (Hint: I’m talking about this kid right here.)

As a politically moderate queer virgin, I am here to say that there are some things I don’t like about being queer. Or, about how I am expected to act after adopting a queer identity. I won’t pretend to be an expert on radicalism or hooking up, quite the opposite actually, but I have felt pressured to act radical or to assert my sexuality by hooking up with people, just because I’m queer. I don’t think straight people often feel pressured to do these things. And gay people are definitely pressured/assumed to hook up but the image of the domestic gay couple is quickly replacing the image of the promiscuous gay, especially now that Obama has made gay okay.

What I’m saying is, does being queer have to make me a radical? Does being queer mean the only way I can express my sexual freedom is by hooking up with a different person every weekend? I hope not. Because while I’m all for social change and sexual expression, I would like to go about it a little more quietly than my queer peers.

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