So last weekend I visited school for a “zero year reunion.” Basically it’s just a way for new graduates to save face about missing school by giving them an excuse to go back only 5 months after graduation and show off their real people jobs. “Look at me I’m making it in the real world and I’m so independent and awesome and…wahhh I miss college so much!!” Going back was fun and sad and emotional and comforting and alienating. I’d left some things unresolved when I graduated and even though I thought I’d dealt with them, they definitely caught up with me last weekend. If I ever do write a book (this blog was originally supposed to be a rough draft of sorts for said book) about my trials and outright struggles in love, I will definitely expand on all my drama, but right now there are too many people whose personal lives would be way too exposed by a tell-all and I am too young to burn so many bridges. Thus, for now I will say there was mad drama in college yo, and the drama did not disappear just because I did. It was sitting there waiting for me to come back. And it sucked and I cried and fought and almost (did? maybe? tbd) ended a friendship. But you know what? It happened and I dealt with it. And after coming back home and getting back to my job, and my family, and my adult life I realize that I’m kind of over it.
Not over the friendship, just over the heartache. After all, what is a temporarily broken heart compared to watching a child grow right before your eyes? It makes everything that happened last weekend and even this past year seem pretty ridiculous. Well, it always seemed ridiculous, but now it just seems silly. In just two months I have seen a child go from not being able to hold a crayon, to forming vaguely legible letters, to writing his name (okay, it’s only the first few letters, but I know he’ll get there so so soon). I’ve seen friendships grow and personalities begin to take shape. Sometimes one of my students will say something that gives me a glimpse of what type of person they might become, and I am honored to think I may have some positive influence on that. I get to celebrate these monumental developmental milestones every day with kids that I deeply and truly love. Thus far in my life no relationship has been so rewarding, so pure, so energizing as the one I have with my kids. Right now, their playground drama is all the drama I need. So queers can hook up with/date/doublecross/fall in love with whomever they want because I have the miracle of life staring me in the face every single day and it kicks queer drama’s ass, let me tell you. I’ve traded Halloweekend for candy and silliness and peanut butter and jelly costumes and I’m not the least bit sorry.