To Whom It May Concern:
Why did you need to make me feel guilty for drinking at my reunion? That’s what reunions are for, to get drunk and run around being nostalgic. Just because you were sober and I was not does not make me irresponsible. Saying, “It’s funny that you’re drunk and I’m sober because it used to be the other way around” not only puts you in a superior position than I by implying I should not be drunk, but it generalizes the past to the point of reducing me to only having ever been sober. As I remember it, it was not that you were always drunk and I was always sober, it’s that I was drunk and you were fall down black out drunk. I’m glad you’ve turned your life around but don’t deny me a night out to celebrate. Your comment tainted a perfectly innocent night out where I was completely in control of my drinking and that’s what makes you a jerk.
We have different political views; that’s totally cool and I respect your beliefs. But it is frightening to me that you cannot even talk about your views, you just point out what is wrong with mine. You spend all your time complaining that everything is wrong with this country, but I have yet to hear an actual issue that you dislike. What are we talking about here? Economics? I think that’s your main issue but I can’t quite tell. Quit bitching and do something about it. Articulate what it is that you have a problem with, and then do something about it. This is America, this is 2012; you can participate in your government. And deleting my post on your Facebook when I dared to push back on your daily bitchfests about our president makes you a jerk. And a baby.
I teach your child five days a week. And he is absolutely amazing. He is smart and kind and charismatic and I can’t wait to see what he does with his life. I would love to tell you these things in person, but I have never held a conversation with you. I understand you’re busy; you’ve got things going on that you need to get to. But stop and talk to me once in a while when you pick him up. Take just a moment to ask me how his day was, to pick up the projects he made that day, to hear how wonderful your son is. I hope you know how wonderful he is; I hope I don’t have to tell you. I hope you already know. You may be a fantastic mother and you may feel the same way about your son as I do, but not sticking around long enough for me to know that makes you a jerk.
I can deal with your stupid outfits, your open-toed clogs from Spain, your infinity scarves and hipster glasses that are so not brand. I can swallow that you are my boss yet you talk like a child and you didn’t pay your electric bill because you thought your parents were doing it. I can even get over that you can’t tell me and my sister apart and have no idea that I’m not technically trained in the area you insist on putting me time and time again. But I draw the line when you say “that’s so gay” in casual conversation when you are in no way referencing anything to do with homosexuality. You are unprofessional and immature and dropping a casual “that’s so gay” makes you a jerk.
In conclusion, grow up, calm down, and just stop it.
Your Wake Up Call
*DISCLAIMER: These rants are modeled after real-life situations are not necessarily meant to imply that anyone is a flat-out jerk, just that we all practice jerky behavior sometimes. Except for the last one, she’s a total jerk.