You Know You Talk Too Much About Your Love Life When…

Published December 26, 2012 by auddity

…your phone suggests your crush’s name when you type “it.”

…your friend hears a song and it immediately reminds them of your situation.

…your college friends know every intimate detail about your middle school crush.

…you haven’t spoken to your high school crush in four years but your friends conveniently told you where he/she/they now work…

…you start a (/EVERY) sentence with “Have I told you about the time ___ said…” and your friends say “YES” or not so subtly roll their eyes.

…your friends’ friends know every detail of your romantic history.

…you keep a list of the people you’ve told a crush story to, because you want to tell EVERYONE but don’t want to look pathetic telling anyone twice. (You often tell people at least twice.)

…you’re engaged in small talk with a stranger and you have to keep fighting the impulse to tell a story about your crush.

…your friends send you links and stuff that remind them of your CRUSH’s hobbies/interests.

…you realize that your life wouldn’t pass the “feminist test” for a romcom (tweaked for inclusiveness): two friends having a conversation without a love interest around and without mentioning a love interest.

…your friend gives you a cute luggage tag that says “I come with baggage” unironically.

…you can’t follow the conversation you’re currently having because you’re too busy trying to come up with ways to work your crush into it.

…all conversations with your friends begin with “updates” on the “situation.”

…your best friend can draw a chart explaining it to anyone out of the loop.

…your best friend’s BOYFRIEND can draw a chart explaining it.

…you walk in on a conversation and it’s your friends discussing your love life like it’s a sitcom.

…you go to the bar with your friends and they say: “you don’t need to meet anyone, you’re practically married”… to someone you’re not even dating. OUCH.

…your friends stop you before your story has even started because they know the subject (ex, crush, etc.) and how it’ll end (sad, pathetic, lonely, forever alone).

…you innocently ask your friends, “guess who I saw/talked to/hung out with today?” and they automatically answer with your crush/ex/sig other’s name every time, no matter the circumstance.

**Thanks to all my amazing friends who contributed to this list. Birds of a feather, ladies, birds of a feather.

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