Things I Hate

Published January 5, 2013 by auddity

So I’m probably going to come off as a huge bitch, but there are just some things that I cannot stand. A lot of them are these weird trends my generation seems to be obsessed with. Sorry to offend friends, but your habits are driving me UP THE FRAKKING WALL.

1. Stupid pictures of animals It seems to be a common thing for people roughly my age (and older!!) to post pictures/videos/memes/gifs of fluffy little animals alllllll over the internet. Right in my face. Where I can’t escape it. After a long hard day of work I just want to come home and Facebook stalk people in peace, and then there’s all these fluffy puppies and bunnies and PANDA BEARS blowin’ up my news feed. I don’t mean to imply I’m not an animal lover; I have a dog whom I love dearly. But Generation Y, I don’t think our foremost form of communication should be kitty-grams. Talk to each other. I’d much rather come home to a “Hi, Audrey. Just thinking of you. How was your day?” than a squee-worthy video of a pig struggle to walk up the stairs or a cat stuck in a garbage can. That shit has a time and a place, but it’s like cuteness threw up all over the place and it is simply too cutesy for my tastes. Fuck it, maybe I actually do just hate animals.

2. Om nom nom This one baffles me. Does anyone actually sound like that when they chew?? Where did this come from??? Hands down strangest onomatopoeia I have ever heard. To make that sound you’d literally have to be flapping your mouth all over the place while simultaneously rolling the food around with your tongue. That is not cute. And it’s a verb now? “Guys, I’m going to nom so hard on that.” OH MY GOD JUST SAY YOU’RE HUNGRY.

3. All of the [blanks] Another word fad, there is a definite trend with people my age to add “all the” in front of something they’re talking about. So you’re looking for a job? Got any interviews? “Omg all of the interviews!” So you have a lot of them? “All of them!” Shit, good luck modifying your resume for each and every one of those interviews you’ve got there, buddy.

4. Horses My equestrian friends will kill me for this one, but I actually really don’t like horses. Not necessarily the species itself, although I am allergic to them, but what they stand for. You remember those girls in middle school (I call them horse girls in my head) who pranced around with folders with giant horses on them (alt version: Lisa Frank pencil case, although I admit I had a shit ton of Lisa Frank stuff back in the day) who had long flowing hair and preppy clothes and who grew up to be those girls in college who wore riding boots when they were not going to the stables (and may not have even ridden horses) but dressed super slutty on the weekends and maybe stole your boyfriend of two weeks that one time in freshman year. Anyway, show me a horse poster or a horse coffee mug, or even a horse keychain, and I will unfortunately immediately be less inclined to be your friend.

5. Rainbows My queer friends will definitely kill me for this, but I DO NOT like rainbows. They are tacky and overused and I do not like them. This one isn’t just me being a drag (haha get it? I do not hate puns.), rainbows to me are too mainstream. They stand for one type of queer, namely white and gay and flamboyant.

6. Meow You are not a cat, you should not be meowing.

7. Substituting words with homophones Somehow they’re usually food related: “lettuce go,” “I donut know,” “let’s ketchup.” These are not puns. They are just words. Substituted for the real words. I donut get it.

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